"I was a young girl newly wedded to my amazing Mr Hubster, no worries in the world living a care-free life until the preggy obsession hit me, thereafter all I wanted to do was have
Mr Hubster's Child."
Oh Pinterest you made pregnancy and maternity wear seem so beautiful and easy, I glanced at all the pregnancy boards showcasing petite ladies holding their cute baby bumps, wearing trendy maternity clothes and rocking heels to add to my joy as I am a girl that loves high heels and sneakers. Pinterest was my everyday activity I got to save a bunch of maternity shoot ideas, maternity fashion tips, foods to avoid while pregnant but never did I search the blues of pregnancy or bother to ask a mother about sleep depreciation.
Initially Mr Hubster and I shortly after we got married discussed the possibility of a pregnancy and agreed on a two year waiting period. We had purchased our own little space a one bedroom apartment thanks to Mr Hubster who taught me about investments and mostly we just wanted to experience a care-free married couple life as we lived our whole life with our parents obeying their rules and did not get much freedom to explore the big world together while dating as I had my studies to complete while Mr Hubster worked, studied and hang out with me anytime he possibly could.
Every Friday after work was date night! :) Saturdays was a sleep-in until 11:00 AM unless Mr Hubster had to work or we were on holiday, Sunday was and still is all about the house of God, fellowship, family and food. Monday until Thursday we had a simple routine that changed frequently as we had no responsibilities except to ensure our bills are paid month end, we always seemed to be busy and our life together got more exciting once we became uncle & aunt to Peyton Gianna Paul.
After Celebrating our first wedding anniversary in the Mother City, Cape Town, June 2016.
I asked Mr Hubster if we could now have our baby as two years seemed too long to wait.
His response was so sweet, he said "babe I wanted our baby long ago but I had to consider everything and trust that God will give us this time to be together as a couple so we can grow and learn to then welcome a child when we are a bit more established plus he turned and showed me our tiny bedroom and asked did I consider where would a baby cot fit in the room at the moment or a set of drawers. We had no place for extra linen we purchased now and then at those massive less 50% sales at Boardmans so clearly I was not thinking, but I didn't stop there as I am a person that must press in until she finally gets knocked down with the hard core truth.
I kept obsessing over my Pinterest maternity boards and felt it cannot be so difficult or expensive to have a baby. I studied beautiful pregnancy books, googled glowing pregnancy blog stories and mentioned my desire to Mr Hubster every day and yet he would still give me the same response as mentioned in the above paragraph with an added phrase
"whats the rush babe?" God has a perfect timing right. Nah not me, I just was not satisfied to wait, So God had to get into my heart, reveal me and leave me face down keeling down at His feet.
So I cried out to God to reveal why I have this obsession and heal my heart desire to wait on Him alone for a child, one that will be born in His perfect timing, It was thereafter did God speak to me about my preggy obsession and I felt that still small voice tell me my child you are obsessed with the idea to have a child that you have forgotten your place as a daughter, sister and wife in your home, I spent all my time watching my cycle, searching maternity shoot ideas and visiting my niece I had forgotten the true importance to honor
Mr Husband's decision as the leader of our home and future family.
I then picked up my Bible and read Proverbs 31 and Psalm 51, I went on my knees before the Lord and surrendered my whole life, marriage and future children unto Him, I asked for His forgiveness and after my prayer I took a shower, wiped my tears and got my act together.
I was home alone actually on leave for a day so I got dinner sorted, deleted my Pinterest maternity inspiration boards and waited for Mr Hubster to come home so I can apologize for my obsession that probably drove him nuts yet he still remained my calm.
Well he came home, I shared my experience. He smiled, hugged me and said
" God dealt with you, cause I was not going to fight with Mrs Always Right!
Mr Hubster is just too sharp, I love him and appreciate the amazing human he is.
I learned that God's plan is completely different to my plan and that I am to trust in him alone as HE is more than enough for me.
Two months later we got hit with an expected storm, my kind-hearted, super healthy humorous Father-in-law (Mr Hubster dad) was diagnosed with Leukemia and passed away within a week after being diagnosed. We miss him terribly.
(RIP uncle Derek)
Much Love & Blessings
Lana T
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